coming undone

I'm having issues this week, in case it wasn't obvious.

Trying to track what I eat is just making my brain hurt.  I'm trying to watch the carbs but I don't think I'm doing well.  I'm depressed about that, but I can't seem to drag myself up out of it.  I know in the past that when I stop listing what I'm eating the weight goes back up.  I just feel like I don't have time to list.  I know it only takes a few moments, but it's just not happening.

I'm overwhelmed as hell this week.  It's making me stressed, and I feel like I'm on the verge of yelling and screaming...or just breaking down and crying.

Work's driving me NUTS.  A project with horrible direction and impossible timeframes got handed to me.  I've been trying to work on it but it's jut not happening.  It finally got taken away today which should be a relief but it just makes me wonder when the other shoe will drop and I'll get fallout for not being able to handle it. So that's stressing me.

My manager's out this week, so I'm handling supe calls.  not a huge deal, I do it a lot, but it's just an added stress point that's not helping.

Seems like the last few days everyone sitting around me needs help with stupid crap they should know.  My patience is definitely stretched thin.

I'm still trying to get the house unpacked.  I've gotten to the point where I'm not sure what to do with the rest of the stuff.  I'm irritated that I don't have it all setup, and I'm irked that I don't know HOW to set it up, and I don't want to just let Jason do it cause I want to have a say in how it looks, damnit. I *had* some plans for furniture to let me display stuff but then there was a tax mess that kind of screwed that up. 

Add tax irritation to the stuff that's annoying me this week.

And then there's the Gamestorm project.  I can't figure out the bloody scheduling system.  And I'm supposed to get 6 people scheduled for 4 days.  it's about 100 seperate sessions.  It's seriously getting to me.  I know how much work it's going to be, and it needs to be DONE, and I can't figure it out, and I haven't had time to just sit down and FIGURE IT OUT.  I don't want help, and I don't want someone to do it for me.  It's my responsibility.  I take my MIB duties seriously, damnit.  Add that to irritation/stress.

Ad I keep thinking about all those little things you need to do to keep a house up.  I need to clean the toilets, and wipe down the stair rails.  The bathroom floors need cleaning.  Laundry needs to be done and put away.  I want to wipe down the window sills. And when I look out the backdoor I see the yard which needs...SOMETHING done to it, and I don't even know where to start.  None of it's major, but the house is way bigger than I'm used to, and I want to keep it up, and I'm feeling overwhelmed by the size, I think.  It seems like a huge amount to keep clean.

And we keep doing things.  Which, I like doing things, don't get me wrong....It's just piling up on top of everything else.

Monday there was grocery shopping.  Tuesday I had a dentist appointment and we went bowling with friends.  Wednesday the furniture repair person came over and we went to D&D.  I *did* get the kitchen cleaned, at least. Tonight's open.  Friday we're going to either have ppl over or go to Harveys (comedy club). Saturday Jason's sister is visiting.  Sunday we're going to a movie.

It's all stuff I like doing.  I LIKE being busy.  But right now I'm feeling like I'm pulled in too many directions.  I just want to curl up and cry.  I want to make fake potato salad.  I want to nap.  I want to get my carbs under control - I've been sick two mornings in a row now.  I want to try out my new DS games.  I want to quit dreaming that I'm running behind and out of control and get a good night's sleep. I want to finish up my library books and get them back. I want to sit and watch a single tv program.  I want a bubble bath.

None of that stuff is happening right now.  Instead, I'm just trying to focus on managing day to day and handle what bits I can.  Tonight, I'm going to tackle that scheduling system and see if I can make it make ANY sort of sense.  And then I'm going to try going to bed early, cause right now I'm sleeping worth crap.

And forget listing food.  I'll get to it when I get to it.  It just got re-prioritized at the bottom of my list.  I'll weigh in Saturday morning.  here's hoping it doesn't go up.