Food Bits

So...last week, Jason went to see a doctor.  Among other things, he wanted to discuss weight loss.  I went with him.

The doctor suggested gastric bypass - for BOTH of us.  I never really thought of myself as large enough to need it.  The idea of it TERRIFIES me.  Seriously.  Surgery is scary stuff.  And the more I research, the more I get this sinking feeling - like yesterday, I learned that you can't have caffeine for like a month after the surgery - if EVER.  I can feel the coffee in my bloodstream protesting.  Strenuously.

But this is a Big Deal for both of us.  A friend of his died last week.  He was over 700 lbs, diabetic, and just gave up and quit taking care of himself.  He had to be put on live support, but he had a DNR, and they pulled the plug.  He died because he was so large that taking care of himself was more difficult than dying.

Jason doesn't want to be That Guy.  I don't want him to be either.  It scares the bejeesus out of me.  And seeing the tears in his eyes when he mentioned not wanting to be that guy...I knew I'd do whatever it took to make sure this happens.  Including giving up coffee.

I've gotten myself off cigarettes, alcohol, and even narcotic addictions (post surgery I got withdrawl.  yay?).  Coffee is the hardest yet.

*stares at the coffeepot*

It feels like saying goodbye to a close friend.  I'm almost in tears over the idea.  How can someone be that attached to a freaking DRINK?

Anyways.  The doctor says we should picture what our lives will be like after it.  Positive projection and all that, I guess.  I'm having trouble.  I mean, I can picture little things - shopping for clothes in a regular store.  Not having to worry about whether the theater will have seats that fit US.  being able to sit in a booth at a crowded restaurant instead of waiting for a table.  But I can't picture the day to day stuff.  I see us getting off work to go gaming, and I think about dinner on the way and I draw a blank.  I don't know what we eat, or how we manage it.  I think of being busy at a con and needing food and I draw a blank again.  How do you eat for this on the go?  Everyone I know who's gone through it doesn't.  They stay at home and cook.  We don't stay at home!  For that matter, how do I manage staying awake the hours running a con requires without coffee?

We live for our conventions - that's what we do, who we are.  How do we make this work?

I'm baffled, I'll admit it.  And right now it's standing between me and the future.  Jason's all for letting this sit and wait til after PAX, but...I'm eventually going to have to introduce my life to this concept.  I see no point in waiting.  The idea that this is going to ruin our convention doesn't bode well for future adjustments.  I want to make it work.  I have no idea how.